sparklers, fireworks, party, driving, bonfire night, Guy Fawkes, Christmas, Halloween, road safety, DriveWrite Automotive, motoring blog, car blog

Any Excuse For A Party!

I’ve noted several tweets over the last few days moaning about Bonfire Night (which is, by the way, November 5th and not two weeks either side). I have seen it compared to the scandalous behaviour of MPs, Brexit (always never-ending Brexit), religious terrorism, 412 years ago and we’re still at it and so on and so on. Just how sad and empty does life have to be to perpetually moan about this trivial stuff?

Every Blooming Year

DriveWrite doesn’t like fireworks either. I don’t like that they frighten pets and that, in fact, the pathetic damp-squib excuse for fireworks that they sell in the shops these days are a total rip-off. Most of all though is that in reality Guy Fawkes Night continues to be a tedious excuse for a piss-up that has been going on for 412 years and I feel like I lived through every one of them.

Hallow-e’en is the same. Every year it comes around, doesn’t it, like ‘Children In Need’ or the Budget (although it seems to have been taken over by adults because children can’t go out any more). The same old tired rituals that have lost all connection with or sense of their original reason or meaning. Christmas is another. It’s a Christian religious festival for Christ’s sake and not an excuse for excess, the stuffing of faces, excremental television and, yes, yet another piss-up.

Any Excuse For A Party

Once, Bonfire Night, was just that; one night. Christmas started in early December and Hallow-e’en was considered pagan and only celebrated by naked weirdos in horn’ed masks prancing around a bonfire blaze.

We took pleasure in those special occasions. Happy families out in the garden; jacket potatoes on the go, children’s faces aglow in the firelight as they watched Dad approach an apparently unlit firework like a spy creeping up on a sentry. Boom! How we all laughed!

Christmas was the same only with less inherent danger. We still celebrate Christmas on the cover of the Christmas cards we send. Cheerful robins in the snow, wintry village scenes, chestnuts roasting by an open fire; but that’s as close as we get these days to the true spirit of Christmas. We have replaced the Dickensian ideal of Christmas Day with a day of gluttony and, yet again, as an excuse another piss-up.

There is just one thing in common with these alleged celebrations and that is the car. Some of us still, still, despite all the many campaigns over many years continue to drink and drive on festive occasions.

Statistics show that car accidents are on the increase. It is always popular to blame speed but this is not always the case. Sometimes it is stupidity and sometimes it is the drink. It is a tragedy in this country that the police, what’s left of them, are too busy or preoccupied with politically correct nonsense and media shrieking to spend some time patrolling our highways. I predict here that this year we will see a rise in drink/drive incidents.

We have reached a sort of reverse cultural plateau whereby alcohol is open all hours. We no longer need an excuse for a party. We can get totally bladdered on any day of the week. It’s entirely possible to be festive and sober but alas, we can’t turn the clock back. At the time of posting this it truly is Bonfire Night so Accident & Emergency Departments need to prepare themselves for the drunken bloke who thought it would be funny to stick a sparkler up his backside. Try and stay safe eh?

Geoff Maxted