Before you start, there’s a good reason for this as you’ll see:
Yes folks, it’s that time of year again when the true horror of what is to come begins to dawn upon us. For me, it started in Marks & Spencers. Men in ties were pulling stands about. I said, “You’re setting up for the Christmas displays aren’t you? Do you not realise that it is still September and the sun is shining”? They just smiled sheepishly but otherwise refused to acknowledge their obvious guilt. That’s when the thought came to me…
Christmas Comes But Once A Year…
… yet it seems to come around so often. No sooner do we get last year’s sparkles out of our crevices when the whole circus starts up again. Yes, it is a circus. The ringmaster is Avarice and the acts are the same ones you saw last year as they jump through the hoops of greedy commerce.
And Another Thing…
Remember proper Christmas? I do. It used to be a religious festival; did you know that? People went to church and everything. Even if the good folk of yore were not believers they all held to the same belief that the SHORT period around the 25th December was a special time. It was a time for giving and a time for mutual community respect and innocent fun. Even the most ardent acolytes didn’t start thinking about it until the beginning of December when the first evergreen bushes started to arrive in the shops. Half the fun was in the last minute rush.
And There’s Nothing On the Telly…
It was back in the dark, distant pre-Thatcher days of the Twentieth Century that this used to be the case. Why, I was saying to old Bob Cratchit only the other day how things have changed. Christmas has become a bloated, selfish food-fest of excess and glittering balls. The TV was once an incidental item in the corner of the room.
What you can look forward to this year is the same blindingly juvenile and asinine crap they put on last year. Expect a run of family sitcoms and repeats where everyone is sweating in scarves despite the thirty degree temperatures because they filmed it in August. Miranda bloody Hart, Bloody Bake-Off, bloody Strictly. Christmas is the same tired, threadbare, repeated roundabout every time. This year why not ring the changes and get out more?
There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather Only Bad Clothes
In winter, in broken Britain, everything closes down except the malls. I don’t see why this needs to be so. I believe this to be a deliberate government policy to make us concentrate on Christmas and the spending of money thus boosting their tremulous grip on the economy. With the extra money they can splash out on vanity projects like massive train sets. Conserve your cash; they’ll only waste it.
Now, amusement parks are cold, draughty places out of season. Although many venues shut there may still be attractions that could be seen, walked through or investigated. Or, why not go for a walk at any one of our many free attractions called The Outdoors. The British Isles are not in Antarctica. You will be unlikely to come across brass monkeys looking for welding equipment. Wear proper clothes. You’ll be fine.
Dressing appropriately means not tottering around on high heels in the High Street wearing just a dress and a hopeful expression – and that goes for you girls too. There is more to life than getting bladdered and waking up in the morning with a less than perfect stranger in a Santa hat.
One Good Thing You Can Do For Christmas.
There is a member of your family that may well live most of its life outside in all weathers, handling everything that nature can throw at it. Your car.
If you want to splash the cash this Christmas, how about treating the motor? Give it a good waxing. Buy some new and preferably winter tyres. Get it serviced in the next month or so. Check the battery and if in doubt buy a new one.
With traffic cops so thin on the ground and phone-using cretins getting away with it more than ever; with the likelihood of drunk or doped drivers or brainless fools without licences or insurance circulating with impunity, it just makes sense – while the sun is shining – to get your car fettled now, just in case. That way, if you insist on going through with the festivities, your Christmas and that of your family will at least be a bit safer on the roads this year. Geoff Maxted