Day trips in the car are great fun for all the family. Drive out into the verdant British countryside, see bosky, rolling hills flecked with sheep and mobile telephone masts. See country folk going about their business! Go visit a safari park! Have your windscreen wipers ripped off by a colossal baboon or be ripped off personally at the ice-cream kiosk for five cones and a flake.
Ah, those halcyon days at the seaside. Clacton, Weston-super-mare, Bognor Regis, Newquay – names redolent of bygone childhood holidays. Places where you can spent time dodging the previous night’s multi-coloured slicks on the pavement or getting sand into your intimate crevices; sand, incidentally, which will find its way into your car carpets and never, ever, come out – resisting the best that even James Dyson can throw at it. Experienced drivers always remember to allow a little more time for the trip home, as inevitably, at least one ankle-biter will need to stop to regurgitate that candy floss burger.
If the seaside doesn’t appeal, how about a petting zoo? Fondle a gerbil. Pick up some E-Coli or zoonoses for the kiddies free of charge. There isn’t enough space here to further cover the joys of outings to theme parks (abject terror), circuses (fear of clowns), Britain’s roads (fear of clowns) or even educational forays to museums and the like; although if you take some perverse pleasure in watching childrens’ eyes glaze over then many local museums exist for this very purpose.
Going for Spring days out has always been something of a ritual for many motorists and we haven’t lost our taste for it despite our overcrowded, over-regulated roads. Which of today’s older drivers will ever forget the days out with Dad at the wheel in his pre-climate controlled car. He would insist that the window was wide open to suck in all that fresh air despite the fact that everyone else was getting blown to buggery. Who will not remember fondly the screaming panic and flailing arms as a wasp the size of a Harrier jump jet gets sucked in?
These days of course cars are much nicer places to be and better designed for the purpose. Modern motors have scope for entertainment and the use of computers which helps to keep fidgety kids in line. Journey times are shorter and most of the country has accessible family venues. It’s nearly time to get out there people; nearly time to shake off the winter woollens, get the tragic summer shirt and inappropriate shorts on and let the world enjoy those pallid winter legs for the first time. Get out, get in, sit down, drive.